Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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