I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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