After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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