I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize