i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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