I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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