Already got asked if we're dating
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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