and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
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My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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