God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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