I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize