if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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