she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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