Little spoons don't ask big questions
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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