I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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