why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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