Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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