She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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