I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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