I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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