Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
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Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We got so high we made milksteak
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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