I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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