hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize