anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize