You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize