I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize