she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize