The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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