We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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