How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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