If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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