I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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