my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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