Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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