I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
high people should be assigned attendants
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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