Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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