And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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