it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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