told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
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if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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