I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize