I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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