Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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