Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize