my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize