i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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