If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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