Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize