I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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