I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize