i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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