we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
try to milk me bitch
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